How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
