Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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