i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
