I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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