We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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