I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
