just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
