I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
