4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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