birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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