Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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