Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
