I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
