I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
