sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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