the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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