I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize