I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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