i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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