He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
