ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
