Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
