Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
