I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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