break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
