Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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