Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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