I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
