I wish I could teleport
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Randomize
