You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
