My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
