It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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