Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
