My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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