nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think my moral compass just broke
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
