Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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