Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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