she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
