I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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