dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
