There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
