the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
