yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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