Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
