I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
