May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
