And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
