He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
