I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
