What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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