Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
