first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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