Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Houston, we have a blender
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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