She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
