i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
