Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
