My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
