If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
