HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
