Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
