I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
