Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
