Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm really busy with my period
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