was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
