that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
